( there is no way to deny such a thing: of course what he had witnessed had been terrifying, in the sense that it had been so unjust that it had truly floored him, at the sight; and he has seen so many things, has become numb, in some ways, to the cruelty of gods, just as the cruelty of humans, as though such a thing can only be mimicked once it comes from something high above. there are a great many things about the world that he is unable to change, and a great many injustices that he may never see--and yet the dream, as always, has been to create a place of their people; a place where law and order will be bestowed to all those who are willing to live under it. there will be a sense of fairness, and a sense of justice, and a sense that things will only be allowed under the most equal of laws that benefit all parties. that had been what they had always been after--and seeing the state with which xiao had lived, there, under the thumb of someone who didn't deserve him at all? it had only fueled his desires.
some of him, of course, had been fueled by an anger so ripe and livid that it had cut through the ground itself. he cannot deny that he also has his own shortcomings to work on.
but could he really be such a great thing? perhaps it is the one trouble that guizhong has left him with, now: never a doubt as to her affections for him, or the gentle way that she would offer solutions when he had been too hard-headed to see past his own determinations, but she had always assured him that he would become a god that would be worthy of the respect of his people, that would be worthy of leading their small little harbor village to something great. she had always had the encouragement that he needed, and now--like this? can he even deserve such a thing? how can she keep him on the right path if she's not here at all?
it troubles him. it troubles him in the way that xiao seems so desperately determined to bend himself under his shadow, the way that he thinks that he should give him his loyalty no matter what he is or what he does. true, xiao himself has said he never asked anything unfair of him: but that is a very solid yet, that lingers between them.
the water is cold, around his shoulders. he pushes himself back up, standing tall, in its depths; his hair falls down his naked back like it's heavier than stone, messy and stuck up around his frame. )
If I may, then, ask you one such unfair thing, for now.
( --some measure of humor in his voice, despite himself. )
If the others come looking for me... Tell them that I have left to attend to something direly important. Do not tell them that you have seen me.
I will... take to the air, for awhile. Perhaps it will lift my spirits.
[ to xiao this is not an unfair request but the once gold winged adeptus has a perhaps skewed idea of fair and unfair. he knows it even as he is also willing to say that it does not matter. his allegiance to the god before him is replete. the weight of rex lapis from his posture to the water that clings to him to the grief wreathed around him as some kind of invisible tangible truth; the weight of gravity. xiao would not claim to understand. it is not in his ability to do so.
what is in his ability, however, is to bow his head before his master and softly intone, ]
It will be as you wish.
[ his lord's 'true' form is beautiful. the yaksha finds comfort in the great dragon's existence even as it stirs at a well buried, snow-covered part of his own heart that misses his own wings and the sky carding through them. when he kneels, the water rippling out is soft and kind in a way that even war-ridden, so much of liyue is. how great liyue will become under rex lapis, who will one day be known only as zhongli and 'dead' as the age of mortals prospers, will never be a surprise to xiao. if his eyes are overwhelmed in gold, this is the nature of a bond of the savior and the saved but, perhaps more than that: that which is worthy of loyalty. to outsiders, xiao's behavior might seem blind but it couldn't be further from the truth.
no decision is without its specific core, roots like ancient trees touching places of the world shut off more and more. it all stems from somewhere.
so too does the yaksha's heart and the weapon of himself.
if he can give his lord the privacy he needs in his mourning, then he will. if he can give him his utility as a weapon in the war that remains or any new wars ahead, then he will. not blindly but deliberate; sincere;
— and as close to a kind of love as maybe he will ever know. that's loyalty of a kind, if you will. ]
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some of him, of course, had been fueled by an anger so ripe and livid that it had cut through the ground itself. he cannot deny that he also has his own shortcomings to work on.
but could he really be such a great thing? perhaps it is the one trouble that guizhong has left him with, now: never a doubt as to her affections for him, or the gentle way that she would offer solutions when he had been too hard-headed to see past his own determinations, but she had always assured him that he would become a god that would be worthy of the respect of his people, that would be worthy of leading their small little harbor village to something great. she had always had the encouragement that he needed, and now--like this? can he even deserve such a thing? how can she keep him on the right path if she's not here at all?
it troubles him. it troubles him in the way that xiao seems so desperately determined to bend himself under his shadow, the way that he thinks that he should give him his loyalty no matter what he is or what he does. true, xiao himself has said he never asked anything unfair of him: but that is a very solid yet, that lingers between them.
the water is cold, around his shoulders. he pushes himself back up, standing tall, in its depths; his hair falls down his naked back like it's heavier than stone, messy and stuck up around his frame. )
If I may, then, ask you one such unfair thing, for now.
( --some measure of humor in his voice, despite himself. )
If the others come looking for me... Tell them that I have left to attend to something direly important. Do not tell them that you have seen me.
I will... take to the air, for awhile. Perhaps it will lift my spirits.
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what is in his ability, however, is to bow his head before his master and softly intone, ]
It will be as you wish.
[ his lord's 'true' form is beautiful. the yaksha finds comfort in the great dragon's existence even as it stirs at a well buried, snow-covered part of his own heart that misses his own wings and the sky carding through them. when he kneels, the water rippling out is soft and kind in a way that even war-ridden, so much of liyue is. how great liyue will become under rex lapis, who will one day be known only as zhongli and 'dead' as the age of mortals prospers, will never be a surprise to xiao. if his eyes are overwhelmed in gold, this is the nature of a bond of the savior and the saved but, perhaps more than that: that which is worthy of loyalty. to outsiders, xiao's behavior might seem blind but it couldn't be further from the truth.
no decision is without its specific core, roots like ancient trees touching places of the world shut off more and more. it all stems from somewhere.
so too does the yaksha's heart and the weapon of himself.
if he can give his lord the privacy he needs in his mourning, then he will. if he can give him his utility as a weapon in the war that remains or any new wars ahead, then he will. not blindly but deliberate; sincere;
— and as close to a kind of love as maybe he will ever know. that's loyalty of a kind, if you will. ]